Lonely Blue Boy

i was on ichat with a friend of mine. we've been friends for nearly 20 years now. our conversation, like always, turned to how the other guys were doing. there were four of us, and we were tight. did everything together, and it helped that our parents were also good friends with each other. over the years, we've managed to keep in touch and see each other every couple of years or so, just to reform the bonds of friendship. during the past four years or so, the three of us felt that one has become distant. we would call, and the calls were returned. but gradually, contact became sparse and very seldom. i guess this is what people call "growing apart". i'm not sure what triggers this distancing. it seems to me that the times we've shared have lost their sentimental value. it upsets me. the other two and i tried to keep it going, but to no avail. i'm not sure what happened. it seems like it happened quickly, but i'm sure there were signs that we weren't conscious of. maybe later it will become clearer.

to some, growing apart from a friend is easy to accept. i've always had trouble with it. i don't have many friends, and i have even fewer friends that i trust with all my being. i let very few people in to see the REAL me. i don't know why that is. that's just how i am. and if you've been let in my inner sanctum, if you will, you will be my friend for life. so you can imagine why it is difficult for me to deal with a friend to choose to let a friendship like that go.

i think the song "bedshaped" by keane is appropriate.

Many's the time I ran with you down
The rainy roads of your old town
Many the lives we lived in each day
And buried altogether
Don't laugh at me
Don't look away

You'll follow me back
With the sun in your eyes
And on your own
Bedshaped
And legs of stone
You'll knock on my door
And up we'll go
In white light
I don't think so
But what do I know?
What do I know?
I know!

I know you think I'm holding you down
And I've fallen by the wayside now
And I don't understand the same things as you
But I do

Don't laugh at me
Don't look away

You'll follow me back
With the sun in your eyes
And on your own
Bedshaped
And legs of stone
You'll knock on my door
And up we'll go
In white light
I don't think so
But what do I know?
What do I know?
I know!

And up we'll go
In white light
I don't think so
But what do I know?
What do I know?
I know!