Thursday, December 24, 2009

Coming out also involves others

one of the many things that i don't understand in life is the condescending attitude of some in the gay community towards those that are in the closet. those who are in the closet may be for various reasons. granted that some may prefer to remain in the closet for the simple, but not trivial reasons of fear for their physical well-being (i.e. getting their heads kicked in by a homophobic yob), but we have to keep in mind that others may have more serious issues to deal with like compromising their professional status, or being ostracised by "friends" and worse, family. And there are those that choose to not live openly as a homosexual so as not to hurt their loved ones. it is this last possibility that may sometimes be overlooked. coming out is a highly personal process to go through, that i agree, but we also have to remember that whilst it liberates us, it could affect deeply those who care about us. there is shock from the news, disappointment that they may have been mistrusted and hence not told sooner, or worse, pain - pain for having been "deceived". coming out is not all about you. others will be affected. it is up to you to weigh the options, constantly evaluating if the time is right when the feeling of being liberated outweighs the fear, the shock, the disappointment, and the pain it may cause to yourself and to others. bottom line - those who chooses to remain in the closet at this time should not be looked down upon. until we truly know the motivation for remaining in the closet, we cannot, and should not judge.

i should clarify that this is by no means an advice not to come out. i am merely discussing an aspect of coming out that in my opinion may be overlooked, and that the process, whilst centred on the individual, also has effects on others that we, more often than not, fail to notice.

Christmas jokes

A couple of Christmas-related jokes for you. Will post something more substantial in a day or two. Happy Christmas, dear Readers. :)

Joke #1:

The three wise men arrived to visit the child lying in the manger.
One of the wise men was exceptionally tall and smacked his head on the low
doorway as he entered the stable. "Jesus Christ!" he exclaimed.
"Write that down, Mary," said Joseph "It's better than Derek."

Joke #2:

When four of Santa's elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones, Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule.
Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her Mum was coming to visit. This stressed Santa even more.
When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.
More stress.
Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the boards cracked, and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys. So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went
to the cupboard he discovered that the elves had Hidden the liquor and there was nothing to drink. In his frustration he accidentally dropped the cider pot, and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor.
He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw end of the broom.
Just then the doorbell rang, and irritable Santa trudged to the door. He opened the door and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.
The angel said very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't it a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?"
And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Caught in the middle?

i've just found out during dinner tonight that two of my really good friends have fallen out. i was having dinner with one of them and she didn't say anything about it. i sensed that she was keeping something from me, and she was - the whole falling out thing. they both agreed that it should be kept from me so that i wouldn't feel that i was caught in the middle. well, i am; i chose to, and i won't let this happen. i asked friend number 1 if it would be alright to speak to friend #2. so i'll do this when i get back to london. i will need to gather my thoughts and prepare what i will say. i only have a handful of close friends, and i consider them my closest friends. i treasure these friendships, i nurture them, and i will not stand by and watch them wilt and die. interestingly, it's not easy to get to this level with me, but once you do, then you are my friend for life.

the situation is unusual, but i don't think it's insurmountable. i just need to have them see with an objective eye what the real issue is. it's not about their friendship. it's more about the working relationship, that somehow crept into the friendship. i just need to tread carefully as one (friend #2) is stubborn and has quite a temper. not that i'm scared in incurring their wrath. i just want to be able to keep the emotional level under control, so that we can both clear and comprehensible to each other. maybe the 10-hr flight back to london will give me the time i need to think.

Thursday, December 3, 2009


i blog, i tweet, i have facebook and tumblr accounts, but i can't be arsed to update them as regularly as i would like. i do have a job, and that takes most of my day.

one of the tweets of someone i follow referred to the movie C.R.A.Z.Y. if you're not familiar with it, read a bit of the synopsis below.

Synopsis :
Zachary naît un 25 décembre, quatrième fils d'un père plein d'amour filial, fanatique de Charles Aznavour et Patsy Cline, et d'une mère aux petits soins pour ses cinq fils. L'enfant voue une admiration sans bornes pour son père qui, pour sa part, désapprouve ses penchants pour des jeux qu'il estime peu virils et ses inclinations homosexuelles en germe.

Il s'agit de l'histoire des relations père-fils mettant en perspective les durs paramètres sociaux sous lesquels le Québec des années 1960 et 1970 vit une crise identitaire.

Fils d'un père « souffrant d'un surplus d'hormones mâles » (qu'à une époque plus récente, on aurait qualifié d'homophobe) et élevé avec ses quatre autres frères à la personnalité affirmée, Zachary, adolescent, tente de se définir. Il doit composer avec une crise d'identité sexuelle émergente et le désir intense qu'il a de plaire à un père bouillant et intransigeant qu'il adore par-dessus tout.

La première lettre des prénoms Christian, Raymond, Antoine, Zachary et Yvan forment l'acronyme du titre, qui est aussi le titre de la chanson préférée de leur père.

the movie has some significance to me as a large chunk of the movie mirrored my childhood and teenage life.

for example, the lead character zachary had a difficult birth. at least the film gave the impression that he might die. when i was born, i was not breathing. the doctors thought that i would not make it, so they let my mom take me in her arms, with everyone, including my father thinking that i was going to die. then i sneezed and started to cry to much relief of everyone, including the doctors. at least this is how my mom and dad tell the story. unlike zachary, i was not dropped on the floor when i was a baby. lol.

in his early years, zachary would prefer to play with dolls to his father's despair. his father forced onto him toys that were, and still are, traditionally for boys. the same thing with me. i preferred to play with my sisters dolls, and would often take them around in my little car and pedal them around in the streets near our house. that was the only way i could get away with playing with the dolls, if my sister was playing with me as well. i was forced into playing sports, though admittedly, i quite enjoyed sports. there were times when i would get punished if i as much think of playing with my sister's dolls. sometimes it was physical punishment. my dad was adamant that i was going to be a boy-boy, if that made any sense. one thing i could remember distinctly was when he took the clippers and shaved my head, which angered my mom. the reason he did that was because a woman in the store we were in commented what a pretty girl i was. haha! back then i had curly brown hair, big eyes, fair skin, and very red lips. i guess that upset my dad so much that he had to go through this drastic measure of shaving off my head of curly hair. i could sense that my mom still hold a small resentment from that incident. i didn't know any better. all i could remember was that i was scared to death of the clippers. i had never gotten my hair cut before that. i was four at the time.

in the film, zachary's mom understood him much better than his father, and this held through for most of the film until the end when zachary was in his early twenties, i assume. the same thing with me. my mom understood me so much better, and this was true about everything. she just knew my psychology, how my mind worked. she could and still can read me like a book. very hard to keep anything from her. lol. i didn't have to come out to her. she asked me straight up if i was gay. i guess in a way that was easier because it was initiated for me. sometimes starting that type of conversation represents the greatest inertia that is the most difficult to overcome. An emotional and/or psychological hump, if you will.

when i was 14 or so, i started getting interested sexually in boys. at times, i can be terrible at hiding my emotions, whether it be anger, happiness, frustration, or lovesickness. (sappy, i know. lol) my father saw this, and he was not pleased. he didn't do anything, but i could tell he didn't approve of it. what could he have done? nothing, really. it's not like shaving my head would solve the problem. haha! although he did try to set me up on a date with his colleague's daughter when i was fifteen. things got better though. my father had to take charge of a project in the u.s. he moved a year before the rest of the family did. i hate to say it, but it's true. i felt that if he didn't see me turn into a gayboy, then i didn't feel that i was disappointing him. at 16, i came out to my mom and my friends. well, all of them asked me directly. then at 17, i told my dad knowing that it would be difficult for him to handle. i had to do it though. it was tough knowing that my mom knew and my dad didn't. also, i was leaving for university, so i figured that the distance may lessen the impact on both of us. leaving home after coming out was also something zachary did in the film.

unlike the film, my dad came around much sooner than zachary's father. i don't know exactly what happened, but i'm sure my mom played a large part in making him see the light. lol. things are very good between us now. he's met boyfriends that i had. i don't know if he's entirely comfortable with the idea, but he's at least accepted it.

i realise that what i described here is not unique to me. i'm certain that others may have had the same experience. but then again, what we take away from the film, their relation or link to events in our lives and how we interpret them are highly personal and unique.

so there you go - a brief synopsis of my birth, early childhood, and teen years.

thanks for reading.