Lonely Blue Boy

one of the many things that i don't understand in life is the condescending attitude of some in the gay community towards those that are in the closet. those who are in the closet may be for various reasons. granted that some may prefer to remain in the closet for the simple, but not trivial reasons of fear for their physical well-being (i.e. getting their heads kicked in by a homophobic yob), but we have to keep in mind that others may have more serious issues to deal with like compromising their professional status, or being ostracised by "friends" and worse, family. And there are those that choose to not live openly as a homosexual so as not to hurt their loved ones. it is this last possibility that may sometimes be overlooked. coming out is a highly personal process to go through, that i agree, but we also have to remember that whilst it liberates us, it could affect deeply those who care about us. there is shock from the news, disappointment that they may have been mistrusted and hence not told sooner, or worse, pain - pain for having been "deceived". coming out is not all about you. others will be affected. it is up to you to weigh the options, constantly evaluating if the time is right when the feeling of being liberated outweighs the fear, the shock, the disappointment, and the pain it may cause to yourself and to others. bottom line - those who chooses to remain in the closet at this time should not be looked down upon. until we truly know the motivation for remaining in the closet, we cannot, and should not judge.

i should clarify that this is by no means an advice not to come out. i am merely discussing an aspect of coming out that in my opinion may be overlooked, and that the process, whilst centred on the individual, also has effects on others that we, more often than not, fail to notice.